I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
