I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
