I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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