I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
