Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
