Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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