Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I want a musical about memes.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
