I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
