i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
