Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
