you turned your livingroom into a bong?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
