he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
