it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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