i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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