ya dads aren't the best wingmen
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
