just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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