Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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