What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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