Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
