I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
