Have you finally orgasmed yet?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
