i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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