lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
