We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
