His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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