from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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