so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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