So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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