dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
