It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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