Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
