I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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