I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You're like the curious george of whores
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When are your genitals available?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
