i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
