you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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