So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
