It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
