Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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