PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
