end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
