I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
