We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
