At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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