saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
