The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just high enough for therapy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
