I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
