homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
