you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
