I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
