I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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