my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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