porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
