How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I AM VODKA MAN
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
