Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
