Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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