Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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