There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
