Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
