I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
