the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize