not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
