did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
