The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
