It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
