hotel room ftw
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
