Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize