he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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