I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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