Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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