We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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