I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
