so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
