You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
