hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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