It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
