I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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